my friends sister was telling me about how in highschool a guy tried to take a picture up her skirt as she was walking up stairs and she saw, grabbed his phone, broke it in half, and handed it back to him and said “you can tell your mom why your phones broken”
ok like I used to also be one of those ppl that were like “it’s not realistic for everyone to be gay” but last january I was visiting my step mom and her gf and they took me out one night to this party and after surveying the room it slowly dawned on my that “e— everyones gay. everyone here is gay they’re all gay there’s not a single straight person in this rooM—”
that would make the funniest fucking story ever. Due to a mix up at the factory, the template for incantations that was supposed to a publishing company of dark art books is sent to a feminine products factory. Girl then accidentally summons Satan with period blood. Satan gets confused because its “dead blood” and when he shows up he realizes the sacrifice was done incorrectly so he cannot take the girl’s soul but now is bound to do her bidding because oops his bad, he showed up anyway.
[On how she got her role on ‘Hugo’] “Basically, I got a call from my agency and they were like “Look, Martin Scorsese is making a movie,” […] they said “We’re only casting local brits because we want the real accent, we want the whole thing,” and I was like “Okay, well. You know, I’ll do a tape and I’ll audition for it.” So I wore a little wig, and I did everything in a british accent, and he loved it. So he flew me and Asa Butterfield— the kid who played Hugo— to New York to do an audition for him, in front of him. So I flew out there, keeping up the act that I was british […] And then as I was leaving — luckily, he was amused — I said in my regular voice, “Bye Marty!” and he was like, “Wait. What? Where’d your accent go?” And I was like…”
and my U.S. History teacher was trying to get us to understand why it was such a big deal that England had put a tax on colonial sugar, and he goes,
"What if you had to pay a tax every time you logged onto wifi?"
And the whole class just went
and I heard at least two people whisper “I would murder someone”
what do u mean this gift is not for me?
my heart is broken
omf it gets even sadder when he drags it away from him
i dont care if that kitten is ripping out your kidney
give him the fucking thing